I went from feeling completely lost to now walking a path that finally feels like mine — my purpose.

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And I want to share exactly how I got here, so maybe you don’t have to spend seven years searching like I did.

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While you’re here, if you feel even a little lost, the Clarity Map is something you’ll want to have in your back pocket. Join the waitlist or try the free Clarity Compass to start seeing things clearer as you wait.

You are meant to feel lost.

It is the whole point of existence, to figure things out.

You are built to course-correct your way through life. Your mind loves the feedback loop, when you try something, get stuck, learn and iterate till you are walking a path of mastery.

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That’s how you grow.

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Any other path, the one without friction or feedback only leads to chaos.

Deep down, you know this. You’ve felt the rush that comes from solving something you once thought impossible. But you’ve also probably pushed that feeling aside why? Because it doesn’t look like what society told you the path should look like.

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It’s not what school prepared you for.

It’s not what your parents told you to expect.

And that’s where the problem begins.

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You think you need clarity about where you’re headed, a neatly drawn map of your future, with all the steps laid out. But in reality what you crave is the comfort of certainty and certainty is the enemy of growth.

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Uncertainty, on the other hand, is the symptom of a life designed by you. Unless you’re okay with letting society decide how your life pans out, you’ll have to learn to embrace feeling lost. Because that’s what walking your own path feels like in the beginning — uncomfortable, undefined, and absolutely necessary.

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I wish someone told me this when i was 16. I’ve always been a curious kid. The kind who could reinvent himself a hundred times without flinching, as long as it felt right. If something sparked my curiosity, I chased it.

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I started businesses after seeing others do it and thinking, I could do that better. I learned skills out of pure impulse, followed my fascinations, and collected experiences like souvenirs. At first, it felt exciting. Then it started to feel… wrong. Like maybe I was broken for being interested in too many things.

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Then I came across that cursed half-quote:

And suddenly, it all made sense or so I thought. I told myself I had to pick one thing and stay there. So I labeled myself a content and brand strategist just so I could get a job and survive. It worked. But soon, the restlessness crept back in, a quiet whisper that said, This can’t be it.

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That’s when I stumbled on the full quote:

Why I never saw that part earlier, I’ll never know. But that single line changed everything. It gave me permission to be a generalist again, to follow my curiosities wherever they led. And it made me realize something most people never figure out: We completely misunderstand what purpose is and how to define it.

How to find your purpose

You don’t find your purpose. You discover it — slowly, painfully, beautifully — over years of iteration and exploration. You might have come across the Ikigai framework, that neat diagram with four circles showing the intersection between what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for.

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And yes, it’s a useful model… but it’s also misleading. Because most people treat it like a worksheet, fill it out once, and boom, purpose unlocked. But that’s not how it works. You don’t complete Ikigai in an afternoon, you live it, one experiment at a time.

For reference this is what the IKIGAI framework is:

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Think of your search for purpose like peeling an onion. I hope you go to the kitchen often or else this illustration won’t make sense. The onion is your entire life. At the center where the bulb is, is your true purpose. To reach it, you have to peel back countless layers, and each layer represents a passion you uncover along the way.

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Some passions will stick for a while. Others will fade. But each one gets you closer to the center, to work that feels like play, makes an impact, and sustains you financially. And here’s the part no one tells you: The phases where you feel most lost are usually the exact moments you’re closest to your next layer of clarity. Every phase, every reinvention, every restless pivot is part of the process.

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Through years of trial and error, I noticed a pattern, four distinct levels we all move through before our purpose truly reveals itself. These levels are the quiet transitions between who you are and who you’re becoming. At each one, life gives you feedback, and you either listen… or you repeat the lesson.

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The first one? The one almost everyone starts from?

1) Survival

This is where most of us start.

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The survival level of purpose is that point where you’re not yet walking your own path, you’re simply following the script that was handed to you. You wake up and do what you’ve been told to do, because that’s what everyone else seems to be doing.

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It’s not that you’re lazy or unmotivated, you just haven’t paused long enough to ask, “Why am I doing all this?” You move through life trying to stay afloat: paying bills, keeping relationships from falling apart, doing work that drains you, studying courses that don’t excite you.

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Every day feels like a rerun of the last, a blur of stress and obligation. Your mind is stuck between the predictable future and the familiar past. You wake up, think about the same problems that followed you from yesterday, push through the motions, sleep, and do it all again.

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At this stage, your world feels small. You tell yourself stories like “money is evil” or “I’m not built for business” not because they’re true, but because they protect you from facing what could be possible.

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You settle, because deep down, you don’t believe there’s room for more. But there is more. Survival mode isn’t something to be ashamed of, it’s something to grow through. You have to face the problems right in front of you before you can reach for anything higher: the money problems, the health problems, the mental fog.

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Get the job. Pay your dues. Do whatever you have to do to survive, but keep your eyes open. Notice the patterns that keep you stuck. Notice what drains you and what lights you up, even a little because if you’re not careful, survival can become a comfort zone and the longer you stay in it, the harder it becomes to imagine anything beyond it.

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The key to moving from survival to status is awareness, realizing that most of your limits are beliefs you didn’t choose. Once you begin questioning those beliefs, everything starts to shift. But don’t skip this phase. You can’t outthink survival, you have to live through it, learn from it, and then rise above it.

2) Status

At this point, you’ve solved most of your problems.

The biggest one, money. It doesn’t hold you by the throat anymore. You’ve gained some freedom, some control, and that feels good. Naturally, the next thing you begin to seek is status.

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The shiny things start to matter more now. The cars, the followers, the numbers. You want to be seen, respected, admired. Maybe even envied a little. And honestly, there’s nothing wrong with that.

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Everyone goes through this phase in some form. Some people even start here, chasing fame, chasing money, skipping survival entirely. And while it might look fake from the outside, who can really blame them? The world celebrates those who are seen. Those who have power and influence. Those who built themselves up and made something people can’t ignore.

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But here’s the thing, status is a tricky game. You think you’re the one playing it, but most times, it’s the one playing you. If you stay here too long, it blinds you. You start chasing validation instead of vision. You forget why you started. You wear your success like a mask, because deep down, you know something still feels missing.

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The truth is, status is not the destination. It’s a bridge. It gives you access, perspective, and a certain kind of freedom that allows you to move into something deeper.

3) Creativity

When you’ve had a taste of success, your desires begin to change. You stop wanting to prove something to others, and start wanting to express something of your own. The cars, the money, the achievements, they start to lose their thrill. You realize what you truly crave isn’t attention. It’s meaning. At this stage, your curiosity wakes up again.

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You want to experiment, explore, and create in ways that feel more you. You begin to reject the templates and formulas you once followed. You start thinking for yourself. You don’t want to just play the game, you want to build your own.

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Creativity is where self-discovery really begins. It’s when you stop copying, stop competing, and start connecting to your ideas, your craft, your truth. You begin to see the patterns between everything you’ve learned. You pull from experience, from failure, from intuition. You start to notice your own voice taking shape.

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And that’s when the most beautiful transition happens, you begin to care less about how much you can get, and more about how much you can give.

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That’s when you enter the final level.

4) Contribution.

At this point, your life starts to fold in on itself in the best way possible.

Work, play, rest, they all blend into one rhythm. You no longer separate who you are from what you do. Everything feels like an expression of something deeper. Contribution isn’t about charity. It’s about alignment.

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It’s what happens when you’ve seen enough of the world, tasted its highs and lows, and feel the quiet need to give something back, to teach, to share, to build something that outlives you.

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People like Femi Otedola represent this stage well. He’s made his wealth, built his name, lived through the status highs and now, he’s giving back through reflection, legacy, and wisdom. His recent book isn’t just a record of success. It’s an offering. A sign that he’s crossed from accumulation to contribution.

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That’s what happens when you’ve gone through all the phases with awareness. You come to see that life is not about climbing, it’s about integrating. Each level prepares you for the next, and each transition deepens your sense of purpose. And when you finally get here, you realize: the goal was never survival, status, or even creativity. The goal was to transcend oneself, solve ones problem and share the solutions to the world.

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This isn’t a linear path, some people go through two to three phases all at once depending on their level of awareness. I am sharing this with you so you have a clear picture of how the end is going to be like so when the wave of change blows while on your path you can freely give in to it.

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Knowledge can be a burden, because knowing this, I am going through all of the phases at once, it is tough but i would not trade this level of awareness for anything else.

Pressure is privilege.

So what now?

Start where you are. If you’re in the survival phase, survive. Get a job that pays the bills. Handle your responsibilities. That’s your foundation. If you’re in the status phase and you feel like playing the game, play it. Show up online, chase recognition, build something worth noticing.

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If you’re in the creative phase, experiment. Try things, fail, start again. Let curiosity lead you and if you’ve reached contribution, give. Share your lessons, build for others, pour back into the world. The important thing is that you don’t get stuck. Keep evolving. Keep paying attention to what each phase is trying to teach you. That’s how you grow into who you’re meant to become.

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That is how you discover your purpose.

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That would be all for today.

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Enjoy the rest of your weekend

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~ Tolu

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PS: I would love to hear how you understood this, don’t hesitate to reply with this email with comments, a response or a rebuttal depending on what you think.